Perimenopause and menopause can often trigger a turnaround in many relationships. So men, you need to read this if you want your marriage to survive and endure.
When you notice your loved one acting out of character, it is only natural that you may to question how she is feeling about you.
Just remember this …It is NOT about you….most probably! You are the closest person to her so it may be that you feel that she is taking her moods out on you…and she may not even realise….or she may realise….but she just doesn’t care in those moments!
What is necessary here if for you to not take it personally and take a deep breath or two….or ten!
Guys….you need to take the high road here!
At an opportune moment, ask gently if you can have a chat with her and ask her how she is feeling and what is going on for her…and then….just listen! Look at her while she is speaking and actively listen (you know…nod your head a few times etc) until she has finished speaking. If it has been a while since you have communicated like this, it may take some time. Just let her talk, cry, shout…whatever!
Then…when she comes to blank spots…where she may not say anything for a short while…wait…and wait……and wait. Do you absolute best to not fill in the silent gaps. She still may be thinking. Many unconscious thoughts may be bubbling to the surface. The unconscious mind does not have language so it takes a while for the conscious mind to translate….so give her time and space.
It is best to say something encouraging in those gaps like…is that all? Or…. is there anything else? It’s great that you are telling me this. Keep going. I’m listening ….etc!
One thing NOT to do guys…… make excuses for yourself, nor load her up with accusations, nor start an argument …… nor turn it around and tell her she is just being a bitch….Or…as I read from one woman on a Facebook forum, her husband told her ‘ you make it very difficult for people to love you’. She probably already knew this. She was devastated……Honestly guys…you have no idea how shitty menopause can be.
Once everything is laid on the table (the good the bad and the ugly…..and there will be ugly), then you can take the next step.
The next step may be to do nothing as she may have just wanted to be heard and you being there listening was all that was needed at that point.
The next step may be that workload with housework or parenting may need to be renegotiated. We all know that it is 99% of the time, the woman takes on most of the responsibilities with the house and children and even grandchildren.
At perimenopause and menopause, the hormonal veil that keeps us childbearing, nurturing and caring, is lifted and women often think ‘what the hell am I doing with my life?’
They often question all that has gone before, all the responsibilities that they took on, all the extra work they did with childrearing or with work and housework etc.
Women may not want this anymore and will want to change what is happening in their lives as they enter this other stage of their lives.
If you want to be there with them as this occurs…you need to listen to her.
So….I’d love to catch up and learn more about how you and your partner are coping with menopause.
You can book with me for a no obligation quick chat using the link below.